Roc Hard Read online

  “Fine.”

  “Any dizziness?”

  “Nope.”

  Okay so she didn’t feel like talking. She could listen. “You know, Abby, you want me to believe you had all these feelings for me back in St. Lucia but the truth is you didn’t trust me.”

  “I don’t care what you believe, Roc. I’ve never had any sway over your thoughts and I have no delusions about that.” Her tone came across icy and she couldn’t even look at me.

  “But you were the one to run without even letting me explain.”

  She scoffed. “Because men always tell their mistresses the truth?”

  I hated that fucking word. “You were not my mistress.”

  “Whatever you want to call it, Roc. I obviously read the situation wrong. You had no long terms plans with me so if it hadn’t been your fiancée it would have been something else.”

  “She wasn’t my damn fiancée! If you’d stuck around for five minutes you would have known that.”

  Abby straightened her spine and took a calming breath before she glanced up at me. “I did us both a favor whether you want to admit it or not. I was in love with you and you were just having fun. I would have left eventually.”

  I couldn’t argue that point because I hadn’t been looking for long term or serious. After Eve, I had no plans for a relationship or a family beyond my brothers and uncle. “Don’t tell me what I wanted.” My voice was lethally quiet but Abby seemed unfazed.

  “Well, since I didn’t see or hear from you until recently, I’d say I did exactly what you wanted. Or are you upset that I left before you could kick me out?”

  That cynical tone, that cynical thought wasn’t Abby. She was kind and a little naïve, but she always tried to see the best in people. And I killed it. In that moment, I hated myself for making Abby feel unimportant, for coming back into her life and turning it upside down. But I would never feel sorry for having Lily in my life, that little girl was perfect. But Abby got another thing right—I hadn’t gone after her. I thought about it, had even fueled up the jet to go in search of her but in the end, I thought she— like most women—wouldn’t be worth the effort.

  In hindsight, I could see how wrong my thinking had been.

  “Can we get ready for these interviews now?”

  With a disappointed shrug, I nodded and took the seat beside her, spending the rest of the afternoon battling her anger and her sweet, enticing scent determined to make me lose my carefully won control.

  By the end of the afternoon the Azurel Resort had a wedding planner with an assistant, a wedding suite and I had the most painful hard on of my life.

  Ten

  Abby

  Looking for work in a bad economy was always hard but trying to find a new job in the hospitality industry during hard times might as well be shooting for the moon. At least that was my experience over the past few weeks. Most places weren’t hiring or looking to replace upper level managers because they could save money by piling the workload on middle managers. That was the case throughout the island which meant my search had now expanded to include the world at large.

  I didn’t mind moving to a new place, but I knew my daughter would find it difficult to leave her friends, Aunt Mel, Roc and the life we had here, and that made the change hurt all the more. Roc came by nearly every night to read to her, share dessert, and just hang out which meant she grew more attached to him with every passing day. His presence made it hard for me but I’d do anything for my little girl.

  Even endure the presence of the man whom I both hated and loved. Because despite everything that happened, I realized something after our encounter on the beach. I still loved the insufferable jerk. Apparently, my heart didn’t care that he was a callous jerk who’d set out to humiliate me, that’s who she’d chosen for us. Which meant I needed to get comfortable being alone.

  Stupid damn heart.

  “Mama, listen!”

  “I’m listening. Yes, I do think Sasha will love the tiara you bought because all little girls love playing dress up. Big girls too.” This was her first real birthday party and we’d spent hours looking for the perfect gift for her best friend. Now her nerves were getting the best of her. “Now you can both be princesses.”

  “Okay,” she answered sounding more relieved than she had moments ago. “Mama, why sad?”

  “I’ll miss you tonight, that’s all.”

  She didn’t believe me because my little girl had the intuition of a centuries-old sorceress, often deciphering my moods before I could. Maybe it was because she grew up in a single-parent household, or maybe she had a future as a world-famous psychoanalyst. “I’ll miss you too, Mama.”

  We arrived at Sasha’s house and I plucked her from the backseat with a wink. “Good, that means you’ll save me cake?”

  “Okay,” she answered on a long-suffering sigh.

  “Have fun, honey.” After a quick chat with Sasha’s mom, I got back in my car and returned home. Where I found the one man I didn’t want to see waiting on my stoop. “Lily isn’t here.”

  “Good,” he pushed off the step until he stood towering over me. “Because we need to talk and I’m not leaving until we do.”

  I knew this moment would come eventually, so I nodded, pushed past him, and told him, “Then start talking.”

  “Oh, I don’t think so, Abby. I said we need to talk. Both of us.” His words echoed behind me but I had other things to focus on, like the gin in the freezer and the tonic and lime on the kitchen table.

  “See, Roc, that’s the problem with this little command of yours. I have nothing to say.”

  “We have a daughter.”

  With my icy glass in hand, I turned to face him, and instantly wished I hadn’t. Up close like this I could see the day of growth on his jaw, giving him that sexy rakish air that even I couldn’t resist. “I am aware of that. Is there something you need to let me know about her?”

  His jaw clenched in frustration, nostrils flared as those blue eyes darkened with angry heat. “I want her to spend the day with my family next Saturday.”

  “Fine.” I couldn’t keep her from him even if I wanted to, and I didn’t. She talked about him all the time and now had several photos of them in her room.

  “This is childish, Abby.”

  I let the ice cold liquid slither down my throat until the warmth settled over me, calmed my nerves just enough so I wouldn’t rage at him. “I don’t know what you mean. You have access to Lily so what’s the problem? Are you upset that I’m not angling for your attention?” I laughed because he looked so outraged. So handsome. “Let me settle your mind, Roc. I don’t want anything from you, not your money, not your ring. Nothing more than for you to treat our daughter as well as you have been. Okay?”

  He smacked the table so hard he displaced everything. “No goddammit, it isn’t okay!” Rounding the table, he didn’t stop until he hovered over me, covered me, and his arms locked me between his body and the counter. “I hate that it’s like this between us. That you won’t even look at me.”

  I looked at him in that moment just to prove him wrong. It hurt to look at him and see the reminder of my foolishness, my first heartache, my silly thoughts of love and happily ever after. He never would have given it to me, I know that now, but he didn’t want me to fall out of love with him. Even now. “It’s better this way. We can be parents to Lily while we move forward with our lives.”

  “With someone else?” His voice came out a deep growl, low and intense. Raw.

  “Obviously.” He leaned in closer and I had to close my eyes, lean my head back until it rested against a cabinet door. He smelled amazing, like man and sea, sandalwood and earth. He smelled like seduction and I knew I couldn’t fight him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight against this.

  “You could be with someone else when it’s like this between us?”

  I knew I shouldn’t goad him but I couldn’t help it. “What, you mean angry and tense?”

  “No dammit. I mean l
ike this.” He took the glass from my hand and set it down, cupping my face so gently in his hands I could have cried. But before the tears could form, he was there, his mouth on mine so hungry and intense. No matter how bad of an idea it was, I knew we’d make love again.

  Now. My arms went around his neck and tilted my head back so he could deepen the kiss, and oh how he deepened it! Making love to my mouth until we both lost ourselves. Roc’s hands were everywhere all at once, touching and teasing me. Caressing until I trembled. “Roc,” I panted and licked his neck in one long slow motion.

  He groaned and I smiled at his response. “Abby, I need you.” His big hands gripped my thighs and lifted me up on the counter, palming the inside of my thighs and stepping between them.

  “Yes,” I groaned out because who the hell was I kidding? I wanted him. Wanted this and this was all we could ever have. “Now.” I unfastened his pants and freed his hard cock, stroking it until he groaned, sinking his teeth into my shoulder.

  Roc slid my panties to the side, aligned our bodies and pushed inside me, drawing a loud gasp of pleasure from me. He felt so good, so long and thick that he filled me up perfectly. In a way, he’d ruined me for other men because I could never imagine responding this way with anyone else. He went slow until my wetness completely coated him, then picked up speed, pounding into me like a dying man in search of his last meal. “So good,” he emitted a low growl in my ear that had my core flooding.

  Lifting my legs higher so he sank in deeper, I cried out and held on to his wide muscular back as he thrust into me. Deeper and deeper he went and my body became nothing more than nerve endings, synapses only capable of responding to the pleasure coiling through my body. “More,” I demanded, rolling my hips against him. Pleasure erupted from me when he squeezed my ass and pulled me closer to the edge and giving me exactly what I wanted.

  His thrust came deeper and harder, sending shivers down my spine every time he hit that spot that made me see stars. Over and over he plunged inside me, giving me every considerable inch of him and as hard as it was to admit it to myself, I loved it. Hell, I loved him but I pushed that out of my mind as the pleasure he gave burst from me, shaking my body as he continued to drive into me. “Oh, Abby. Fuck!” His orgasm ripped through his body, vibrating my own and triggering another wave of release.

  “Oh! Oh!” This time our lovemaking overpowered me, peeled back my defenses so that my emotions felt raw. Exposed. “Roc,” I exhaled when his hips finally came to a stop.

  “I love being inside you, Abby.”

  And I love you. The words, though silently spoken, terrified me. I couldn’t risk accidentally saying those words to him so I did the only thing I could. I ran. Well, technically I pushed at his chest, straightened my clothes and protected my heart against whatever I would see when I turned back to him. “I need you to leave, Roc.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Finally, I turned and hoped like hell he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. “I need to think and I can’t do that with you here.”

  “What’s to think about?” His expression was thunderous but I hated myself too much to care about his anger.

  “For starters, why I keep doing this to myself.” It was something I’m sure required intensive therapy to figure out. “I’m not blaming you, this is on me. But please, I need to be alone.”

  “That’s really what you want?”

  I nodded but I had to look away before my eyes gave away more than I wanted them to.

  “Fine. See you around, Abby.”

  When I heard the click of the front door closing behind him, I collapsed on a chair and let the tears fall.

  ***

  Three weeks. That’s how much time I had before I would be unemployed and I was under no illusion that I would be. For the most part, things had been moving along the same as always, with everyone working hard to make sure guests of the Azurel Resort had an amazing time. But this week a few people had been let go, and not for doing a bad job but to make room for his hand-picked people. So the countdown clock had begun.

  Officially.

  I took stock of my savings, which weren’t much when you raised a kid on your own, but I knew we could make it a year before things became dire. Tonight I’d begin my job search in earnest so I could put this resort—and Roc—in my rear view mirror. Things between us had been tense since we made love in the kitchen, with Roc keeping his distance and me pretending like it never happened.

  Except late at night when I lie in bed alone and relived every moment of every single time we’d come together. Both then and now, my mind overflowed with thoughts of him. The way he’d coaxed my desire out of me, the way he’d let me explore his body with my hands and mouth, full of youthful inexperience. “Stop.” If I didn’t kick thoughts of him from my head, I wouldn’t get anything done.

  And if there was a hope in hell of keeping this job, I needed to get with the brand-new wedding planner to get started on a destination wedding for a party of fifty. Sure, it was small potatoes compared to other spots, but this could be the beginning of a great little business. A quick glance at my watch told me I had about eight minutes before Elsa showed up for our meeting, so I headed down to the lobby on my way to the wedding suite.

  “Abby, can you come here, please?” The pretty desk clerk seemed nervous, so I diverted my path to the long sand and blue marble counter.

  “What’s up, Merci?”

  “This woman would like to speak with Mr. Mahoney but I can’t seem to find him.”

  “All right, how may I help you?” The woman wore a crisp red suit with the most amazing skinny legs I had ever seen. She donned an icy professional demeanor that matched her clear grey eyes and my stomach turned over as two possibilities sank in. She was either Roc’s newest lover, or…

  “I’m Clara Bradshaw, the new manager of the Azurel Resort.”

  Yep that would be it. Inside my head, I called Roc every manner of rotten bastard I could think of but outwardly, I put on my own cloak of professionalism and gave the woman a friendly smile. “All right, well, Mr. Mahoney didn’t let any of us know you would be coming today, but if you’ll follow me I will take you to your new office.” I could feel the question in Merci’s eyes but I refused to look at her, to let her see how much I hurt.

  “My appearance must be a surprise to you,” Clara said quietly as we made our way to her new office.

  “Yes and no. I knew my time was coming but I didn’t realize it had already arrived.” I gave her a polite smile over my shoulder. “These are the offices for the administrative staff and executive offices are on another level. This is your office.”

  “Your office you mean.”

  “Nope. As you can see I was prepared,” I told her and pushed open the door to reveal my naked as new former office. “I’ll just grab my jacket and bag and leave you to it.”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  I shrugged. “Human resources is extension 1305 and you have a meeting with the new wedding planner slash events coordinator in about two minutes. Just ask Merci for the suite number. Good luck, Clara.”

  “You’re just leaving?”

  “Yep. My people are good workers, treat them right.”

  “You got it.”

  “One question. When were you hired?”

  Clara looked uncomfortable but she answered honestly. “Two months ago. Mr. Mahoney told me he needed a new manager and gave me two months to train my replacement at my old resort.”

  “Right. Thanks, Clara, and good luck.” I gave her a smile and a short wave because none of this was her fault and she seemed like a nice woman. I made my way to the back elevator entrance for cleaning staff and headed to see the blue-eyed devil who’d given away my job. I fumed in the elevator on the way to the penthouse, daydreaming about all the ways I could kill him with this dumb fucking Azurel Resort blazer. He’d slept with me, twice, knowing he’d fire me. Knowing I had a child to care for. I froze. Was that his plan? Leave me without a job a
nd go after custody of Lily?

  I knocked on the door, figuring at least one of the Mahoney men would be around. But like everything in my life that day, no one answered, leaving me feeling even more unfulfilled. He even stole the satisfaction of yelling at him from me. Typical.

  With no one to yell at and no job, I did the only thing I could. I jumped in my car and headed home but not before calling my old friend Sonya. “You wouldn’t happen to have a lead on any hotels in need of an experienced manager, would you?”

  “I’m actually looking for a manager for a large resort in Johannesburg. Comes with a small house and relocation fees,” she teased and I told her to put my name in for consideration. “You got it,” she answered with a smile in her voice and a promise to put out more feelers and get back to me in a few days. Realizing I had free time before I needed to get Lily from day camp, I decided to take a drive along the coast. I hadn’t had much time for leisure activities like this in the past between managing the resort and taking care of Lily and now that I might not have many more days to do it, I really wanted to.

  With the windows down, and the warm wind blowing through my hair, sun beating down on my skin, for a fraction of a second I felt like things would be okay. That I would somehow rebound from the mess of the past few weeks. Had it only been weeks? It felt like forever had passed since Roc reentered my life.

  Reentered and turned it upside down.

  An hour of driving hadn’t given me the relief or the relaxation I sought, I turned the car around and headed back to pick up Lily. She could always make my world feel right.

  ***

  “Mama, I’m partying with Daddy!” She bounced from the building wearing a flashy smile and her favorite jeans with rips in the knees.

  “I guess that means you’re ready to be doted on by your father and uncles.”

  “Yeah!”

  That right there, the youthful exuberance of my daughter was what I needed to pull me from my funk. To remind me exactly why I worked so hard and why I had to go wherever the next job took us. “Good. I’m sure you’ll have a good time.”